I remember asking my dad or mom as a kid, why isn't there a chocolate flavoured toothpaste? Can't remember the answer but needless to say Colgate, Crest and Aquafresh were never brave enough to head in that direction and toothpaste stayed minty. Most likely they thought that kids would end up eating the toothpaste instead of brushing their teeth with it, no doubt I would have.
Well the days of wondering why are over and flavoured toothpaste is finally here thanks to the Japanese company 'Margaret Josefin' which offers 32 flavours of toothpaste for your toothbrushing enjoyment. They offer various fruity flavours such as Blueberry, Grape, Kiwi, Banana, Grapefruit, etc., but there are also some more exotic flavours such as Cola, Chocolate, Expresso, Pumpkin Pudding, and Indian Curry. They also have peppermint but after looking at all the other flavours you can't help thinking, 'why bother'? So what does one of these tiny, 25 gram tubes cost? 210 yen each so unfortunately I won't be trying them all, just some of the more interesting ones.
After 30 odd years of mint toothpaste however, the thought of using Coke or curry to brush my teeth is vaguely disquieting even though it purports to have good stuff in it like Xylitol, etc. In the interests of science though, I'll once again brave the unknown to bring you truth and certainty. Onward.

Monday Aug. 7th, After Breakfast:
Seeing how banana is pretty low on the weirdness scale, I went with 'Monkey Banana' first so as to ease into the exotic world of flavoured toothpastes. Upon opening of the package, I was disapointed to see that the paste wasn't a bright yellow, but a regular dull white. However, you know the smell of old rotten bananas? That was what hit me when I leaned in closer for a sniff. I feared to put it in my mouth but when I did I was again surprised by the faintness of banana taste, too faint! I added another helping but the taste faded out again quickly and I ended up brushing my teeth with flavourless toothpaste. Overall a complete disapointment including the name, leave monkeys outta the toothbrushing process.

Monday Aug. 7th, After Lunch:
Next on the list was flavour number 10, 'Cafe au Lait'. Upon opening, I noticed that the colour was very, very, light beige, one might even call it white if one hadn't seen Monkey Banana earlier that morning. The smell was kinda like a weak cafe au lait with a candycane in it. I would've taken this back to the counter with a strongly worded complaint if I was in Starbucks, but seeing how I was in front of my sink I could only frown at myself. Taste was once again weak and boring, even with two helpings. Disapointing results so far. Join me again after dinner tonight for the next flavour.

Monday Aug. 7th, Before Bed:
Toothpaste #14 is Indian Curry, which is probably the weirdest flavour on the whole list. So obviously I expected great things from it, I mean, brushing your teeth with something that is known to cause bad breath would surely lend itself to prose. Upon opening the tube I noticed that it wasn't chunky or dark brown, but was kind of a pinkish beige. I had hoped for the smells of garlic and chilli, but instead I got a sweet cinnamon-like scent. When I started brushing, neither did it burn my mouth, make me sweat or my eyes water, but tasted fainly of cinnamon and sugar. Main reaction was 'wtf'!? It seems that the guys at Margaret Josefin were actually trying to be serious when they whipped this stuff up and not, as I previously assumed, having a laugh.

Tuesday Aug. 8, After Breakfast:
Skipped ahead to #27 this morning which is Caramel. After yesterday's dismal paste performance I wasn't expecting anything too exciting here and lo and behold, I was right on the money. The colour was once again an off beige which is now boring me to tears. The smell? Well if it didn't say 'caramel' on the package I would've been hard pressed to figure it out. The taste didn't bring any revelations either. It tasted a bit similar to the curry yesterday actually. You know there's a problem if you're struggling to taste the difference between Indian curry and caramel....

Well there you have it. Even though Indian curry scored the highest, they pretty much all failed in my book, and I'm afraid that even though I was looking forward to trying Cola and Chocolate, this experiment is going to end here. To the people at Margaret Josefin, heed these results! Spice up those flavours and for the love of Pete, add some colour! If and when you do, send me a few samples to test and I'll see that you get some better press.

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