Like a bad habit, Nestle just can't help sending Japan more and more bastardized versions of their most famous chocolate bar. And me? I can't help myself either. Once again, I felt I just had to give you all the benefit of my expert opinion (and taste buds). So has Nestle learned anything since I put them in their place in my February article? Once again, these upstart flavours will have to pit themselves against the original which will be given an automatic score of zero. In the unlikely event that another flavour is better, it will get a positive ranking. If worse, a negative ranking. Clear? Ok let's get started.
Good old Original. Why mess with tradition?
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Japan's tea ceremony may be boring, but it's still an auspicious part of Japanese culture. For green tea to have sunk to the level of being stuck in some Western chocolate bar must be a new low, just one step up from sprinkling it on french fries. To be fair though, with all the other flavours popping up, this just wouldn't be Japan without a green tea Kit Kat. However like green tea ice cream, I find adding sugar and milk to green tea totally ruins the flavour. If you've ever had real, high quality, bitter 'macha', you'll know what I mean. Green tea might be an antioxidant, but sweet green tea is an oxymoron, like putting maple syrup on sausages, or eating a cheese and jam sandwich. Some green wavy lines didn't make up for the sickeningly sweet taste and some fake green tea flavour. Next!
Green Tea Milk Ranking: -4
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Pineapple is one of those great fruits that pretty much everyone loves, unless you do something gross with it like put in on a pizza, or say, make a Kit Kat flavour out if it. With so much potential to be bad, imagine my surprise when it turned out to be pretty darn good! For one thing, they didn't make the Kit Kat some silly yellow colour, the chocolate was real. But perhaps most importantly, it wasn't made with 2 pounds of extra sugar. There was some pineapple smell and taste, but it was only slight, not overpowering. Maybe Nestle has finally realized that people actually don't like gagging when they eat chocolate bars? Hope to see more like this.
Pineapple Ranking: -1
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When I was a kid, my grandmother used to tell me that M&Ms were made of milk chocolate except the orange ones, which were made of orange chocolate. True or not, I've always had something of an orange chocolate fascination so I was reasonably happy when I first saw Kit Kat's new Orange & Chocolate flavour. I expected it to be something like the previous Brandy and Orange flavour which I gave rave reviews to in February, but it turned out to be fairly disappointing. Still better than some of the other flavour travesties I had to digest though. At least the outside wasn't orange coloured, but the orange flavour stuff inside was as chemically flavoured and fake as could be. Better luck next time.
Orange & Chocolate Ranking: -3
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Kiwi is one of those fruits that doesn't really go with anything. Try as you might to pair it up with other foods, it can't help but fail. However when you add fake kiwi essence or flavour to something, say a Kit Kat for example, it's like giving up before even starting. Need I say more?
Kiwi Ranking: -6
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Japan's newest flavour, coming out at the beginning of September, brings summer to a close not with a bang, but with a whimper. With all the exotic flavours they've gone and thought up, it's pretty anti-climactic to then give us the most boring flavour that ever existed: vanilla. However a small ray of hope remains that with a flavour so simple, the chances of Nestle screwing it up seem pretty small, wouldn't you think? Before you jump to any conclusions though be assured that yes, they've found a way to screw up vanilla. If it even smelled like vanilla that might be a bit of a bonus. If it tasted like vanilla ice cream that would have been a big bonus, but all I tasted was white chocolate, and as usual enough sugar to satisfy a thousand starving hummingbirds.
Vanilla Ranking: -4
So Nestle people, in conclusion I'd like to say that first, your sugar adding machine seems to be broken. I'm not sure if it was malfunctioning when the Pineapple Kit Kat I ate was being made, but I suggest you look into that quickly. If it wasn't an accident, promote the guy who made the Pineapple flavour and fire everyone else. Next, your package designs are fantastic, but you might want to put a bit more effort into making your product actually taste good. Think about it. Lastly, next time you bring out a new flavour, best clear it with me first. I'm always glad to help out.
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