Don't you just hate it when your watermelon won't fit into a box? Or those awful times where you're at a picnic and your watermelon rolls away? Haven't you always wished that watermelons were square? It had been bothering me for some time now, so you can imagine what a relief it was when Japanese scientists finally invented square watermelons.

In the beginning watermelons were big, boring, ovals with seeds, green on the outside and pink on the inside. Then along came seedless watermelons, but that was just annoying because now we couldn't have our 'who can spit the watermelon seed the farthest' contest. Then some people with a lot of time on their hands came up with yellow watermelons. Who the hell cares about a yellow watermelon? If they'd made them dark blue, or silver, or some other interesting colour I might have been more impressed, but yellow? Now however, with the invention of square melons, these fruit scientists have finally got something right. There's no limit to the amount of greatness you get from cubic fruit. You can stack them neatly in the trunk of your car! You can cut them up in to equal portions! You can use them to build a house, then invite your friends over to eat it! All fruit should be square in my opinion. Why haven't they made square peaches or bananas yet?
Square fruit doesn't come cheap though, which is why I didn't take one home with me to play with. I tell you though, if I was a farmer I'd be experimenting all the time with squares. Just think of the fun you could have by putting a baby watermelon into a glass box only big enough for an orange. Would the watermelon break the glass or would you have a tiny square watermelon packed with all the flavour and juice of a regular sized one?
It's only a matter of time now before they start making square cows and pigs. After all, they're already growing them without legs, so why not just a big square chunk of beef? No legs, head, bones or organs, just a big beef cube ready to be sliced up for the barbeque! There's just no stopping technology.

|

Pepsi Strong Shot
Zero Life
Green Cola
Pepsi Baobab
Tomato Cafe
Goya Champuru Candy
Cake Lighter Than Air
Coke Breath
Vinegar and Milk
Coke Plus Fiber
Pepsi Azuki - Red Bean Pepsi
Kit Kat's Flavour Fetish - Part 4
Sports Drink Conspiracy
Snapple Facts
Pepper Flavoured Gum
I Need Western Food, Stat!
Grilled Lamb Caramels
Free Beer
Pepsi Shiso (Beefsteak Plant)
Green Tea Coke
All Entries